Monday, August 2, 2010

unstable

last update was on mid of june?what the &^%$#^@**%#%^!!!sungguh tidak patut itu bukan?

that's why i said... never trust this boring lady (@+@)

reasons of not updating?

- technical problemo. laptop is now just a piece of junk. motherboard breakdown. so am using my very first laptop. old version. heavy n could only work with power supply. yet still...alhamdulillah ada la gak leh guna kannnnn =)

- low internet speed. but the good news is...tada! celcom is improving its service here. takde lagi dah nyet nyet nyet cam siput khinzir. it's now phew phew phew like angin bayu. smooth n steady but not in chaotic breeze.

- higher interest rate in tv marathon. desperate housewives, monk, how i met ur mother, next top model, kimora n bla bla bla. best companions eva!

- weekend escapes. am always in kl over the weekend. dah tu internet mmg sayonara terus.

now...at present, it's not only blogging that i ignore, but facebook as well. no more comment replies, message tailing, photo viewing. it's now a hard once a week check in. login, silent check n sign out.

hurmmm... sometimes i wonder. is it me who's dragging myself away from world? people may say this n i may just agree

Thursday, June 17, 2010

erghhh...phufff...

okay i know.

lame excuses. BUSY. but that's just me. or should i say... LAZY. and that's just me too. BUSY n LAZY to update. haha

but now i really feel like writing things up here. mainly...concerning my entangled feelings of going back to work. okay this is none to the working issues. works are all fine. checked and done.

but...

the thoughts of going back to pahang.

- driving back alone for 7-8hours would just be a torture. sleepy all along the way.
- kak gee is no longer a housemate coz she's now transferred to kuantan.
- kak azie is a month away from school due to her courses.
- will be left alone with kak jah yang sungguh keibuan itu.

erghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.there's nothing inspiring or motivating to drive me back to that little spot of my life. this feeling is torturing me n i'm so not ready to go back =(

Thursday, May 6, 2010

owh yeah!

it's half past 3!but i haven't performed my solah yet. am about to. wait wait wait aaaaa~~~

owh yeah!

holiday's started! now i love Pahang. Hol Day. (Hari Hol). i've no idea what Hol Day is but according to the teachers here, it's a day of remembrance for all the late Pahang Sultans. yela kot kan...

i'm supposed to be on my way to KL now. yet, i'm still here. in this sauna. i mean my wooden house in Jengka.

why???

because i canceled my initial plan of straight away driving back to KL right after school. i canceled it because......

i takut jam la wei!!! massive traffics! dah la tak pandai jalan. karang sesat dalam jam satu hal. karang ada gak kot tetiba yang stop kete tengah jalan and pasang emergency lights. hoho.

so......... tomorrow is the first time i'm driving ALONE from pahang to kl. before this i had friend with me. but tomorrow.....nobody.

and the good news is....... aku tatau jalan from gombak to pj.

sweet kan~~!!!

so......untuk persediaan kemungkinan sesat.... esok pagi2 aku nak gerak dari sini. kul 8 gerak so sampai dalam kul 10 lebih. kalau sesat pun awal lagi tak jam so leh la lagi merangkak2 carik.

pray to Allah...i'll have a safe journey.

aminnnnnnnnnnn~~~

Sunday, May 2, 2010

those kiddos

a memory captured.

living alone far from family and friends...weekend is definitely a torture. Yesterday, after the school ended its Saturday programme and later in the evening when all the housemates had waved their farewell, i started to feel the boredom and loneliness which i would have to endure for the next 24hours.

when home is just a stone's throw away from school, i hardly use my car which was safely parked in the school garage. however, considering that i might need a car on Sunday and the guard might not be in school to open the gate, therefore i moved the car and parked it in front of the house. that was when i bumped into those kiddos.

since i haven't had the chance to have a tour in this village, therefore i asked them to show me around. seven of us (six students all together) were cramped in my small car and we had an evening trip around Jengka 5.

hehe...personally i liked it. it was so.....GREEN!!! from some spots of the village u can see the entire Jengka with its never ending oil palm trees and Mount Tahan as the background. it was awesome!

but that wasn't the only fun part of yesterday. spending time with those naughty kids was fun though. owh...by the way those boys are acknowledged as problematic in school. however, knowing them closer proves that they're not that bad.

kids are still kids.

before we said goodbye yesterday, they asked me to take them to Maran. to Pekan Sari? or Pekan Sehari eh? whateva it is la kan. so yea... they asked me to take them there on Sunday. but my answer was NO. there wasn't any promises from me but today, early in the morning, at 9 they were all in front of my house...

"Assalammualaikum~~~teacher!!bangun laa~~~jom la cepat!"

gosh!!! i thought they were joking and i really hoped that they wouldn't show up. i was sooooooooooo reluctant to take them there.

why?

sebab diorang budak lagi la. kalo apa2 jadi tak ke susah?

so i asked them to go home. they were gone by then.

but...............

they showed up again.

huaaaaaaa. i asked them to go home but they made their cute faces and begged me to take them to Maran.

"jom la teacher...mak ayah kitorang kasi pegi teacher. kitorang dah tanya dah. ni kitorang siap bawak duit ni. kitorang bayar la sorang rm2 kat teacher. jom la teacher. kitorang janji jadi baik tak nakal. kitorang nak beli sandal...nak beli ayam goreng. jom la teacher~~~"

haih... lemah okay dengar. so... i had an express shower and took them there. but before we were off to Maran, i stopped by at one of the boys house to ask permission from the parents.

phewwwwwwwwww. luckily they were good!

hehe. kelakar okay. sume pun pakat beli sorang sepasang kasut crocs. cetak rompak la tapinye kan....kuikuikui. yet still... they were cute i reckon =p

so... that was it. a weekend spent with students. something which i had never thought of

Saturday, May 1, 2010

finance

okay. this is definitely not the most preferred topic of any discussions. or...it's the most popular topic for everybody huh?

maybe not to those rich la kan. but to a poor like me... yes me! this is definitely a topic that i would like to highlight each time i got paid by the government =(

how well did i manage my finance?

hurmmmm (#+#)??? [sampai lebam mata pikir.hehe.]

since my uni era, i've always had my pre-spending list of what, how n when would i spend my money. but each time... i failed to follow what i'd already planned.

and now that i'm working, the expenses seem to grow. though i'm single and my only liability at the moment is my car, yet i always feel like i ain't have enough money to spend.

why?

because... expenses grow accordingly to our physical and mental growth.

haha. betul ke?

ala betul la kan. sebabnya bila dah besar ni badan pun makin besar. so baju2 kain2 sume pun kena makin besar la. bila badan makin besar means that diameter perut pun makin lebar. so makanan pun kena la bertambah. maka duit pun kena la menggemuk. tapi........ aku bukan jenis badan besar. baju zaman baby pun bley pakai lagi. tapi apsal belanja makin over?

nak kata duit abis kat mekup... tak gak coz aku memang tak pandai sume tu. tu pasal sampai arini muka cam bontot kuali je tu. dah tu awat eh?

owhhhhhhhh...liability yang satu itu la puncanya. huaaaaaaa. i need to save up for my monthly trip to kl. my for sure trips to kedah each time long school holiday. petrol, toll fees, road tax, insurance, maintainance and yabadayabada~ (@+@)

hurmmm... one more thing... when salary is deducted for KWSP and allowances are not yet available, kne plak pikir pasal zakat n income tax.

huaaaaaaa~~

why can't Ringgit Malaysia climb at least a step higher in its currency?

owh yea...this problem wouldn't be drowning deep into the ocean and i wouldn't be rich by just whining.

things will be easy but not in a mean time, not in a short while. but after a hardship. for these 24 years of living, i haven't been doing much and maybe it's time for me to get up and do something. think think think...i'm dying of continuing my studies. i miss chasing the datelines, writing and submitting assignments, presentations and stuffs.

am praying that i can soon be confirmed and then after i'll apply for what i'm dying for =)

ignore this please

as mentioned above... ignore this please. i mean this entry. please go away. it's all gibberish. nothing much.

huhu. betapa lalangnye aku. kejap ada kejap takde. eh bukan lalang. mungkin lebih kepada biskut.

actually my heart has always been screaming of... "fathiah!!!update blog cepat! tulis tulis tulis. write write write!". especially when i was having a problem. dealing with dissatisfaction, dilemma and bla bla bla. those uneasy emotions.

tapi niat sentiasa terbantut due to works and most importantly.... poor hampeh internet connection in Jengka.

but this time...why am i here? huhu nampak sangat la tengah boring amat kan. hence, the connection is not that bad. it's sauna here babeh. i mean this house. for those who have ever claimed that wooden house promises u comfort in the sense of its fresh air flow...i reckon that you guys are wrong!!!this wooden house is a sauna. it's heating and i'm literally boiling!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

i've said it n i'm saying it again

ok i know.this entry will most probably evolve around the same-lame-boring-annoying topic.

but i'd once said...don't lay your eyes on this not so decent piece n just click on other pages if u think this is annoying.

i've said that i would try to update more frequent but i didn't aite. well...school works were haunting me so i'm sorry.

i've said that working life will never beat study life aite? and i really meant it. that's the major factor which brought to the big changes in my life.

last friday right after school i went to kl n straight away headed to OU. waited for my bro to go back together to kedah. damn. that was when i realized walking alone in kl would never be the same as before. those previous years...i admit that i loved having my time alone. but when i felt bored i could just call anyone and asked them to tag along. but now...friends are all scattered over the country. most are not in kl. those who're in kl are working which i dare not to disturb.

and today...i was again overwhelmed by that stupid-annoying feeling. since things didn't go as what i'd planned (driving back to pahang) as car delivery was delayed due to Chinese New Year...so i had to take a bus. so just now i pulled myself out of d bed n off to kl (owh i was in shah alam last night). actually it was so usual for me to do everything on my own but just now... it was different. i did my shopping in midvalley alone all by myself. having lunch at kenny rogers with the table was all mine. but... i felt like crying coz i knew i couldn't have these kind of calls again...

"oit am. ko katne? kat bangsar? haaaa ok2 nnt aku join"
"oit yensyi.ko ktne? hostel?meh la sini boring la nk mkn sorang2.ke nk aku tapau blk mkn sane?"

huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!this is so disheartening!

Friday, February 5, 2010

i hate this feeling

okay...

now i feel it.

i mean... loneliness.

it's my first time staying alone here. i know this moment will eventually come. i can't forever going to people's house just for the sake of having company. i know i will eventually have to face that i'm actually alone here. far from family...far from my good friends.

here... everything... everybody is far reaching.

it's raining and it just adds on to my loneliness. the sound of falling water from that leaking tank in my bathroom is the only melody that i can hear now. even the television is on and the lights are all working, yet... it's still too silent!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

now i know...

14 years back (if tak salah la kan)...

mom told me: "masa belajar la paling best sekali.nanti dah keja dah tak best dah"

i argued it with her: "tak.kakak rasa masa keja la best.sebab ada duit sendiri.boleh beli macam2.masa belajar ni langsung tak best.banyak homework.cikgu garang.tak suka"

if i can turn back time i would have said... "betul betul betul!kakak setuju dengan statement tu!kalau boleh takmau tua.nak mudaaaaaaaaaaaaa ja so boley sekolah sampai bila2"

14 years later after the declaration of that so true mom's statement...NOW i know that working life is SO TIRING!

it's proven when today is already Wednesday n it's only today that i manage to get online.

(*+*)

- i am now officially ting tong due to the overrrrrrrrrrr extreme workload -
(nah amik ko. penggunaan superlative yang salah tetapi tetap juga mau)

Sunday, January 31, 2010

mai laif hes chenjd

Read the above title with malay spelling but with English pronunciation please.

hehe.

So now i'm no longer living an urban life.

This is all totally new!

Yes!

I cried when I first saw the school and the area. It was so difficult for me to be thrown into a jungle.

I consider this area as rural since the nearest town is 20mins drive along the jungle on your left n right handsides. There's nothing there. No shopping complex except for a Giant look alike but with less goods. and the only fast food available is KFC which is 30mins drive from home.

Actually 20-30mins drive is not that bad huh...not that far aite. But when d scenery u can get is only palm oil trees n trees n trees...u'll have a longer journey.

But yea...life has totally changed.

There's no more assignment but meeting minutes n paper works.

There's no more warm shower early in the morning but ice-cold shower.

There's no more fast food even only for once a week but home made cooking.

There's no more shopping @ window shopping in big shopping malls but pasar tani n pasar panas!

There's no more movie watching but luckily there's astro!hehe =p

and... if before this i disliked frogs...but now having shower with frog as d audience is so usual!

See!

Life has totally changed aite!?