Wednesday, August 26, 2009

i need some air!!!O2 will do.tenkiu.

it's suffocating me.

i mean all the endless phone calls and sms.

not that i don't want any of it.

i want them but not all.

i just need some of them. (am i selfish that way?)

can't u just love me like how u loved me before?

i've told u so many times. i can't afford daily sms and i can't attend ur phone calls every single hour.

can u please just stop all those winter sonata series?

u make me look like i'm d one who is wrong. u make me look like i'm a very very bad girl who can just be labelled as "si tanggang".

i never want things to be this way.

so i think i'll just place a full stop no matter how bad the winter sonata is.

p/s: i know u won't be reading this forever. so u will never know.

p/s/s: sorry that i can't be ur daughter...for real... =(

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

will you?

Those little angels possess pour souls and they are innocent. Do you think so? Though they're naughty at times, they are still no evils. They're just a piece of white cloth and those around them are those who own the brushes to paint them either gorgeous or hedious.

When you are dealing with little angels, you're indirectly dealing with their precious future. From that small figures you can never imagine what they'll turn into as you'll never know what they'll be facing with when you're not there to guide and protect them.

That's what I feel towards one of my little angels.

I think I better leave her name unknown and let just her unfortunate life be the introduction.

After few weeks of teaching the students, I was then being informed by the class teacher that one of my students is medically conformed as HIV positive.

The student whom I'll refer as K doesn't know about that painful thruth and so do her friends. Can you imagine what will happen if the secret leak out? Those little angels will definitely tell their parents and petition might be up on the school board to expell that poor K. I know that it might not be fair for other little angels to be placed in such dangerous circumstances of being accidentally infected when they are out of reach from the teachers.

Yet, K's parents together with the school are paying extra care on this issue. K is not allowed to go to school when she's sick and teachers always have their eagle eyes on to monitor K's movement around the school.

From my reading, note that:

"You can live with an HIV infected person in a very normal way, just like another healthy person. You can sleep with him/her, talk to him/her, eat with him/her etc. You would only have to be careful of any liquid secretions from his/her body like blood, etc and You cannot have marital relations with an infected person. You can eat in the same plate and drink from the same glass".

Since HIV does not easily affect others, therefore I think it won't do you any harm by just being in the same school with an HIV infected person.

Nowadays people are well educated to understand the situation. Therefore, isolating those who are infected is no longer common.

Give this little K a chance to breathe the fresh air, will you?

Read this conversation. It was in the staff room when I was in front of my laptop working on my lesson plan. Note that I was extremely under pressure at that moment until K came by...

K: Teacher teacher. bukak la lagu.
Me: Takleh. laptop ni takde lagu. teacher busy ni.awk pegi sane main pingpong.

(K smiled and walked away)

Me: K..sini. meh la sini borak2 dgn teacher.

(K walked towards me n smiled as usual)

Me: K..bape ye awak dapat untuk ujian BI aritu? ingat lg tak?
K: hehe...tak ingat la teacher.
Me: hah? tak ingat? baru je lepas pun tak ingat ke?
K: hehe..tak..

(Actually I knew her mark coz I was the one who set the paper and I was the marker)

Me: okay la.dah tu subject lain awk dapat bpe? sains awk dpt bpe?
K: ermm..30 (and she smiled)
Me: huh? 30? fail tu. dah tu subjek ape yg awk lulus. awk rase subjek ape plg senang?
K: BM.
Me: awk dpt bpe BM?
K: 56 (smiled)
Me: 56 tu byk gak. awk ade dpt A tak test kalini?
K: takde.
Me: awk penah dpt A tak dlm ujian?
K: tak penah.
Me: lol..nape tak penah? haaaa...awk tak study ye kat umah.
K: study la teacher.
Me: yeke ni awk study.awk study camne?mak awk ajar ke?
K: tak..sy bljr sndri.
Me: mak awk tak ajar eh?mak awk keje ye?
K: tak...mak sy suri umah.
Me: owhh..pastu ayah awk plak keje ape?
K: ayah saye jage parking kat Central. (and she continued smiling)
Me: owhhh...dah tu awk dtg skolah cmne dah ayah awk keje?
K: sy dtg ngn ayah S (another of my student)
Me: owhhh...ayah S tak bz la ye. ayah S plak keje ape?
K: ayah S keje sapu sampah kat flat teacher.
Me: ooo... ok la. awk g la main pingpong.
(and ran away...joining her other friends to play pingpong)

Whom to be blamed? Some of us are not born fortunate... mind that =,)

you can't always be satisfied, don't you?

Personally, I love being a teacher. I love the fact of being surrounded by those little angels. Yet at the moment... I hate the fact that I'm just a practicum teacher. Not that I dislike having less say in school, yet I dislike the observations by supervisor and co-operating teacher. I feel threatened by others' view on my teaching and I feel pressured to satisfy too many souls. Be it the supervisor, the co-operating teacher and the students. But I know that observation is one of the major challenges which I must take before I can officially be appointed as a legal government teacher in Malaysia.

Out of 11 observations, I've passed 8 and now there're 3 more to go.

Now it's school holiday and I hope I'll be mentally and physically prepared by the time the school bell starts to ring.

Chaiyok chaiyok!!!

Gaining your energy... charging... =p

Monday, August 24, 2009

living my life as a practicum teacher

So as u know I'm currently doing my prac and it's in SK Seri Indah in Overseas Union Garden in Jalan Klang Lama.

The school is big in compound but small in amount. What I mean is that the school is big but the students are less than u can ever imagine for a school that big.

Imagine! There're only 6 classes which are actively operating which means that there's only 1 class for each standard.

Our arrival had caused chotic in the school timetable at first as it was really a trouble to place 4 new English teachers when you've already had 3 official English teachers in the school.

But everything was sorted out and I was then appointed as the English teacher for Year 4 students.

The first encounter with my students had surprised me with this one little boy.

"Uiksss... why do I have this angel soul with me?" (I'm refererring to a little syndrome down boy named J*****)

As days passed by then I knew that though that angel soul is mentally handicapped and physically handicapped for his fingers are disjointed, yet his IQ isn't that bad. He can still recall the things he learned and accelerates himself with the other normal students. Yet as a teacher, I still have to accommadate to his disabilities by not doing so much of cutting activity since he may be left behind for that.

There's another angel soul who seems normal but hardly read a word. He fails to spell and the way he joins the alphabets may burst u into laughter.

h-e-l-i-l-i-k-a-t = helicopter

b-a-s-i-k-n = bicycle

k-o-p-u-r-s-t = car

k-a-l-a-n-g = river

There are few more students whom I found captivating to my entertainment channel in school and till the next post, I'll write more. With pictures maybe =p

-naughty teacher... me-

hello again to the outside world =)

Hello!!!

yea yea i know. u might not read this since i've been neglecting this page for sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long which i can't even recall when was i last had the intention of writing at least a word here.

sorry...my fault...

i was so much confided only to myself... no one else...

there was this one point where i felt like i shouldn't be revealing even a slightest info about my life. about what i've been up to. about what i'm thinking.

yet... as i've been further away from blogging, i started to realize that i'm loosing grip of myself...

i realized that i've started to have lack of self reflection, which i always had before this to reflect upon my every single action and decision.

before this when i was active in blogging, everything i did was reflected to weigh the good n bad of it though it was passed. and every decision that i was about to make, was so much pre-reflected and measured for its future consequences.

but everything changed when i started to just doing everything with me being absent minded. everything started to fall apart. so much things have changed and most of them are not in place...

i know i owe this page a room for my life revision and i know sometimes i need words from others to lead my life to the right path...and i know that in here, i've built a window to the outside world.

i'm back again sitting by my virtual window and here i am saying... hello!

p/s: coz i'm just a silly girl (owh... can i still be called a girl?) who's still in lost (*+*)