Friday, October 19, 2007

how do u define --------> F-R-I-E-N-D

I believe that the topic of how u perceive a person as your true friend is a common topic that we've ever heard since decades. Personally, how do I define someone as a friend? hurmmm. It's a pretty tough question to be pondered. Calculating the number of friends that u have is not about checking how many friends u have in Friendster. Eventho every single soul in ur Friendster is ur friend, but can they b brought up to the status of true friends? Definitely NO.

Conventionally, everybody will have their own close friends which can be called as buddies, besties or best friend for life as well as best friend forever or in a shorter form BFF. Everybody will also have their own friends which are not so close but can be friends to hang out with and also friends who are just acquaintances. So, among those 3 types of friends that I've mentioned, which type of friend that u think belongs to true friend? Even a psycho can still give a correct answer for this as your close friend is your true friend.

But are u sure that the closeness between u and ur close friend determines the truthfulness of your friendship? Now, define what u mean by being close? Is it close as in the distance in outer space, or close as in the distance between heart and heart? If u define close as in; u guys are close as friends because u guys are living together, in d same building, in da same room. If that's the case, I will say that; this type of closeness will not determine the truthfulness of the friendship. In this case, the friendship can be either they are close because they live together therefore they do everything together BUT they don't share everything together, or, they are close because they live together therefore they do everything together AND they share everything together. Everybody is free to choose which type of friendship will they have with their close distance friends. Me myself, i chose the first type. Living here in Brisbane, I am close with Sue, Jan, Ida, Awan, Akran, Ayie, Aim n etc. I admit that I do almost everything with them. I go almost everywhere with them. BUT, I didn't tell everything about my skeleton that is secretly hidden in my closet.

The reason why I choose this path of friensdhip with my friends here is not that I don't believe in them, or I don't feel comfortable hearing my whining to them. It's just that I don't feel like to. It's still fresh to me that when I broke up with my ex, my friends here were not the first to know about that. My friends in Malaysia, Sydney and Auckland were the first to know. I didn't cry to any of my friends. Eventho the next day Sue, Ida n Jan came to my room to eat together and had a girl party with me, still, I didnt burst into tears. I knew it well that they came to cheer me up eventho they didnt mention anythng about my prob. Appreciating their effort and kindness of accompanying me, I didnt have the heart to let them see my tears. Since that moment, I realized that i'm strong enough to hold my tears and sadness and until today, I've never burst into tears regarding that sad love ending of mine.

Ooopsss.lari topic la plak.hahahha.k2.bck to true friendship. So, to me I think that it doesnt mean that when u're living together u'r close enough to tell everything. But it doesnt mean that the friendship that u'r having is not true and sincere. It is a true friendship and all of us are sincere enough to be friend with one another. But, it's just that there're still something that make we still don't feel like giving.

Then what about my close heart friends in Sydney, Auckland and Malaysia? They're also my true friends. We're sincere between one another and without any reason, I just feel comfortable hearing my whining to them? Am I the type of a person who prefer to tell about my problem to people whom are living futher? Hurmmmmm. Reflecting my past, I can't agree with this statement as I used to tell almost all my problem to Syira (my ex roomie in IPBA who is now in Sydney). Now, most of my problem are being told to Amnah, Syira, Firus, Majiah and Diana. They're all scattered around Sydney, Auckland n Malaysia... not here in Brissy.

Hurmmmm. Did i change since I came here? I bet I'm not. I value all the friends that I have. I dun wanna be an enemy of anybody. I prefer to be neutral. Be positive. Everybody has their own goods and bads and whatever they do must be because of a reason. Respect other's decision and mind only your own things. I believe if that's what u hold and believe, life will be easier and smoother. Uneasily get angry is good, but not until when people step their foot on ur head u're still saying yes, it's not tolarable anymore ok. Respect others doesnt mean that others will also have d same respect on u. So, manage it urself n make urself respectable with ur own wise. =)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Aidilfitri on a beautiful spring in Brisbane

Life has been so hectic as i couldn't even stole a minute in my day to do my blogging. There're so many things i would like to raise. Yet, considering that Aidilfitri is still the greenest leave among other leaves, therefore, i choose Hari Raya to be my main concern in this layer.

The picture is still clear to me that I really valued raya when I was still a kid. At the early stage in my life I’d always got excited when the raya was about to come. To me raya is d happiest day and d most special event once a year which I couldn’t miss. However, when I entered university life I started to feel that raya is not tht special anymore. Maybe it is due to the decreasing amount of my relatives on the day of raya itself. Back in Malaysia it had been 6yrs that my family celebrated raya without my second bro as he was studying in Japan. Plus, the absence of my other two closest cousins who r also like my bros (they're in uk) had really faded the brightness of raya to me.

I understand that raya is not only about having the 3 of them around since I have more siblings n relatives wif me during raya. But when some people are missing, some things will just not b d same. As time goes by, I’m now come to a conclusion having an idea that to me, raya is more like a family meeting. It’s not about having new clothes, new shoes, new handbag, and new pyjamas as well as duit raya which used to be my concerns when I was kid. Now, to me I rather value the existence of my beloved people around me when it is raya.

But what will it be when I’m not in the homeland wif my family? I’d already thought bout this when I was still in Malaysia. What will it be to celebrate raya in perantauan? Will I give a damn or will I not? Since I always prepare my mind to stay positive, therefore, I had already told myself for not to really think bout raya as there’s nothing I can do to change anything. n mb because i'd used to think that way, it turns up to be true. Last few days which i can say that when Ramadhan was about to reach its dateline, i still didnt have d mood of raya. i still couldnt feel the sadness of raya. i kept telling myself maybe i hve to wait until d day of raya itself. But on d 1st Syawal diz year, as i woke up in the morning i really felt unease as i couldnt had a good sleep d nite before due too the over exhaustion of working all day long preparing meals for raya. I was too tired to feel gloomy. That afternoon, when i called my family n spoke to everyone one by one, i still didnt cry as they were all happy to hve me on phone. They kept asking me this n that which made me forget that it was raya n i wasnt wif them. But still i didnt cry.

So now i'm thinking. It doesnt matter whether i cry or not as it wont mean anything. It doesnt mean tht i dont even give a damn bout raya as i do thinking of what does my mom feel by not having me around to help her. What does my dad feel as he texted me asking wht am i doing n how's my raya. hurmmmm. From deep inside my heart, i confess that i do wish i'm now at home. helping my mom n dad in the kitchen n laughing together wif my siblings and atuk. uhukkk...mama abah... i miss u guys so much.. ='(