Monday, October 29, 2007

from TRUST.. there comes the FREEDOM

i've just finished YM-ing with one of my friends. she's having a problem with her bf. d problem is not current to my ears as it's already familiarized to me as well as to my other friends. my friend is being controlled by her bf n d controlling is ridiculous. is it relevant to be asked for not to put on make up unless it's only for the eyes of her bf? yea i know tht in Islam, women shouldn't have put on make up except for her husband. but my friend's bf is just a bf. not a husband. he doesnt has d right to ask my friend to do that. it relevant for asking my friend not to go to (there is a place somewhere in NZ) just because the bf doesnt want she to? hey..why cant my friend go to that place? she also has to enjoy herself after all d hardship of stdying for the whole year. n d most ridiculous thing that i cant accept is that..the bf doesnt allow my friend to go for a shop n even to attend a party. wtf?? is it wrong to attend a friend's brthday party n i believe tht the party is still proper in manner since it's my malay friend's birthday prty. there's nothing wrong even if u go to an improper event as long as u dont do what is wrong.

my friends n i had already knew that it's best for my poor friend to just break up with her bf. but we'd nver suggested it to her as we think that it's her right to make a decision. until just now, my friend came to me n told me that she thinks she wants to put an end to her relationship. she said dat she cant stand it anymore. she's been mentally tortured with all dat sh*ts. i didnt encouraged her by straight away saying a yes u should break up. yet, i told her to gain her bf's trust. coz i believe that from trust, she'll get d freedom. it wasnt d first time i asked my friend to say that to her bf. my friend had already told that to her bf but the bf still couldnt tolerate more. he said that he has all d power n my friend is his right. so, my friend has to follow everythng he says. n what makes it worse is that, the bf told my friend that he wont change. this is wht he is. he wants to take control of everythng. n if they are to break up, the bf will have a revenge on my friend n will keep hunting her. my~~!! i cant imagine how will my friend survive if she is to live with tht guy for the rest of her life.

actually i was quite pissed off with my friend because she is not certain with her mind. she's not firm enough. at first she said that she wants to break up. suddenly she said that she cant run away frm her bf as her bf is threatening her to tell &*%$$^&#@%&&*(((^%&(&*** to my friend's family. n suddenly my friend told me that she doesnt want to let her bf live alone n she wants to be by his side no matter what. argggggghhh~~!! that's so ridiculous.

how can u live with someone who is dare to threat u? how can u live with someone who doesnt even respect ur right n freedom? how can u live with someone who cannot tolerate n doesnt want to listen to wht u want? do u think dat u can live ur life happily if these are wht u have 2 face?

loving someone is not to have revenge on his/her after d relationship is ended. even the other party has ruined our life n has stabbed our heart to death, yet, d fact dat we love him/her will not make us hate him/her. even we cant be with him/her, we can still pray for his/her best of blast. n about the love matter, u have d right either to keep the love or let it fade away.

wake up. i knw it's tough for u to move on alone after this. but i've faced it. it's not that bad to be single. as time goes by u'll understand it n knw wht's d best for u. we still hve time to reflect on d past n build d future. it doesnt matter if d future has no figure of a guy. we women can still live on our own. as long as we bring our mind together with us in anythng we do.

think it this love someone is not only by saying "i love u" every day n night. but it's the matter of how u tolerate between one another, how u trust each other n how u respect other's right n mind. b mature. long distance rltnshp wont work if u dont believe in ur bf/gf. loyalty n honesty are wasted if u dont trust each other. gain d trust n freedom will come. =)

what a psycho day yesterday =p

yesterday mrning when d energy was at its risk level, i woke up n wash up for d sake of going bck 2 d unilodge's public kitchen 2 heat up all d meals dat we'd already prepared d night before. ok. 2 mke u clear, d night bfore ystrday my friends n i were busy preparing raya meals for d open house of d brisbane business council. we worked 2gther from early in d morning until late midnight. went out 2 buy all d materials n stayed up at d kitchen struggling 2 stand still cooking d meals. i was quite impressed with wht we've done since we managed 2 cook variety of meals which were for 100 people. n to my surprise, i had succeeded preparing d flour for roti jala n kuih ketayap, making d inti for d kuih ketayap, cooking d sambal ikn bilis n kuah lontong in dat big amount which i havent yet done before. ok. ignore bout d cooking thingy. let's move on 2 d story of ystrday.

ystrday, on our way to Middle Park, the house of the president for d business council, Mr. Keong, we rode on d bus which took we about an hour to arrive 2 d destination. on our way down there, as d boredom were girdling d mind n emotion, d 4 of us, jan, ida, sue n i were talking happily until suddenly, there was a lady's voice echoing in d bus. we shut d fuck up n tried to figure where's d voice came frm. i kept looking up at d bus's ceiling since i thought tht it was an annoucement n it must b frm d speaker. but d voice wasnt clear. i kept asking my friends "ape wei ape?, apsal korang diam? ape? awat? apa dia?" since they were all suddenly activated their silent mode. my position which was in front of them made me turn my head to d bck 2 speak to them, without i realized that we [especially me] were being scolded by a granny who was sitting in d front seat. honestly from my seat i couldnt see d psycho old lady since there was a divider separating the back side of the bus [which is higher] from d front side of the bus [which is lower]. when i realized that there was an old granny seemed like speaking 2 us with a very vague voice, i asked my friends "ape wei?" n it made d granny became more heated as she thought that i was talking back 2 her in my language. owh my. if i were to rewind that scene, definitely i were to blush in an embarrassment. d old lady had harshly thrown d words "shit, shame on u, n etc" showing her anger towards us as her face were facing on me. haihhhhh. i dont knw how 2 tell this in words but this is wht i got for being too blur n deaf. how could i realized that the old lady were talking to us [esp me] when i hardly see her and not notably heard her voice?

i believe that the old lady was practicing a racism on us. i admit that mb we were quite loud in d bus but she shouldn't hve thrown those vulgar words on us.

yet, when the bus stopped at the front of an old folk home in Mount Ommaney and the old lady went out frm d bus, dragged her old feet down d street towards that elderly area , i changed my perception on her. mb she was in tense, being left in that home alone with the other old folks. mb her emotion was being disturbed by her children's attitude who had disspointed her by sending her there. mb she misses her children so much which made her couldnt control her emotion n thinking and released her tense on us. there're so many possibilities which made her acted that way.

since she's older than me, respecting her, i decided not to hve any heart feeling. the incident happened in d bus have made me aware with the surrounding which i am an outsider in other's land. i need to be more sensitive towards other culture n norm. it's not malaysia where we're free to laugh n giggle in front of public. it's australia where privacy is d main priority. people are reading even when d bus is moving. so... u better shut d fuck up n listen 2 d music. lesson learnt. hehehe =p

Friday, October 19, 2007

how do u define --------> F-R-I-E-N-D

I believe that the topic of how u perceive a person as your true friend is a common topic that we've ever heard since decades. Personally, how do I define someone as a friend? hurmmm. It's a pretty tough question to be pondered. Calculating the number of friends that u have is not about checking how many friends u have in Friendster. Eventho every single soul in ur Friendster is ur friend, but can they b brought up to the status of true friends? Definitely NO.

Conventionally, everybody will have their own close friends which can be called as buddies, besties or best friend for life as well as best friend forever or in a shorter form BFF. Everybody will also have their own friends which are not so close but can be friends to hang out with and also friends who are just acquaintances. So, among those 3 types of friends that I've mentioned, which type of friend that u think belongs to true friend? Even a psycho can still give a correct answer for this as your close friend is your true friend.

But are u sure that the closeness between u and ur close friend determines the truthfulness of your friendship? Now, define what u mean by being close? Is it close as in the distance in outer space, or close as in the distance between heart and heart? If u define close as in; u guys are close as friends because u guys are living together, in d same building, in da same room. If that's the case, I will say that; this type of closeness will not determine the truthfulness of the friendship. In this case, the friendship can be either they are close because they live together therefore they do everything together BUT they don't share everything together, or, they are close because they live together therefore they do everything together AND they share everything together. Everybody is free to choose which type of friendship will they have with their close distance friends. Me myself, i chose the first type. Living here in Brisbane, I am close with Sue, Jan, Ida, Awan, Akran, Ayie, Aim n etc. I admit that I do almost everything with them. I go almost everywhere with them. BUT, I didn't tell everything about my skeleton that is secretly hidden in my closet.

The reason why I choose this path of friensdhip with my friends here is not that I don't believe in them, or I don't feel comfortable hearing my whining to them. It's just that I don't feel like to. It's still fresh to me that when I broke up with my ex, my friends here were not the first to know about that. My friends in Malaysia, Sydney and Auckland were the first to know. I didn't cry to any of my friends. Eventho the next day Sue, Ida n Jan came to my room to eat together and had a girl party with me, still, I didnt burst into tears. I knew it well that they came to cheer me up eventho they didnt mention anythng about my prob. Appreciating their effort and kindness of accompanying me, I didnt have the heart to let them see my tears. Since that moment, I realized that i'm strong enough to hold my tears and sadness and until today, I've never burst into tears regarding that sad love ending of mine.

Ooopsss.lari topic la plak.hahahha.k2.bck to true friendship. So, to me I think that it doesnt mean that when u're living together u'r close enough to tell everything. But it doesnt mean that the friendship that u'r having is not true and sincere. It is a true friendship and all of us are sincere enough to be friend with one another. But, it's just that there're still something that make we still don't feel like giving.

Then what about my close heart friends in Sydney, Auckland and Malaysia? They're also my true friends. We're sincere between one another and without any reason, I just feel comfortable hearing my whining to them? Am I the type of a person who prefer to tell about my problem to people whom are living futher? Hurmmmmm. Reflecting my past, I can't agree with this statement as I used to tell almost all my problem to Syira (my ex roomie in IPBA who is now in Sydney). Now, most of my problem are being told to Amnah, Syira, Firus, Majiah and Diana. They're all scattered around Sydney, Auckland n Malaysia... not here in Brissy.

Hurmmmm. Did i change since I came here? I bet I'm not. I value all the friends that I have. I dun wanna be an enemy of anybody. I prefer to be neutral. Be positive. Everybody has their own goods and bads and whatever they do must be because of a reason. Respect other's decision and mind only your own things. I believe if that's what u hold and believe, life will be easier and smoother. Uneasily get angry is good, but not until when people step their foot on ur head u're still saying yes, it's not tolarable anymore ok. Respect others doesnt mean that others will also have d same respect on u. So, manage it urself n make urself respectable with ur own wise. =)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Aidilfitri on a beautiful spring in Brisbane

Life has been so hectic as i couldn't even stole a minute in my day to do my blogging. There're so many things i would like to raise. Yet, considering that Aidilfitri is still the greenest leave among other leaves, therefore, i choose Hari Raya to be my main concern in this layer.

The picture is still clear to me that I really valued raya when I was still a kid. At the early stage in my life I’d always got excited when the raya was about to come. To me raya is d happiest day and d most special event once a year which I couldn’t miss. However, when I entered university life I started to feel that raya is not tht special anymore. Maybe it is due to the decreasing amount of my relatives on the day of raya itself. Back in Malaysia it had been 6yrs that my family celebrated raya without my second bro as he was studying in Japan. Plus, the absence of my other two closest cousins who r also like my bros (they're in uk) had really faded the brightness of raya to me.

I understand that raya is not only about having the 3 of them around since I have more siblings n relatives wif me during raya. But when some people are missing, some things will just not b d same. As time goes by, I’m now come to a conclusion having an idea that to me, raya is more like a family meeting. It’s not about having new clothes, new shoes, new handbag, and new pyjamas as well as duit raya which used to be my concerns when I was kid. Now, to me I rather value the existence of my beloved people around me when it is raya.

But what will it be when I’m not in the homeland wif my family? I’d already thought bout this when I was still in Malaysia. What will it be to celebrate raya in perantauan? Will I give a damn or will I not? Since I always prepare my mind to stay positive, therefore, I had already told myself for not to really think bout raya as there’s nothing I can do to change anything. n mb because i'd used to think that way, it turns up to be true. Last few days which i can say that when Ramadhan was about to reach its dateline, i still didnt have d mood of raya. i still couldnt feel the sadness of raya. i kept telling myself maybe i hve to wait until d day of raya itself. But on d 1st Syawal diz year, as i woke up in the morning i really felt unease as i couldnt had a good sleep d nite before due too the over exhaustion of working all day long preparing meals for raya. I was too tired to feel gloomy. That afternoon, when i called my family n spoke to everyone one by one, i still didnt cry as they were all happy to hve me on phone. They kept asking me this n that which made me forget that it was raya n i wasnt wif them. But still i didnt cry.

So now i'm thinking. It doesnt matter whether i cry or not as it wont mean anything. It doesnt mean tht i dont even give a damn bout raya as i do thinking of what does my mom feel by not having me around to help her. What does my dad feel as he texted me asking wht am i doing n how's my raya. hurmmmm. From deep inside my heart, i confess that i do wish i'm now at home. helping my mom n dad in the kitchen n laughing together wif my siblings and atuk. uhukkk...mama abah... i miss u guys so much.. ='(


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

i hEaRt hOLidaY~~

It's morning. It's a really fine day. It's holiday!!!!!! Everything is finally getting back in order around here n i'm starting to feel caught up. It is a really good feeling after too many weeks of constantly feeling like there were not enough hours in d day. Honestly i love holiday n definitely everybody love it. But i bet u not to have a very long holiday or else, u'll end up with d boredom air suffocating ur breathe.

Last few weeks everythng was in a mess. Assgmts were queing up disjointedly. i dont wanna write more regarding d assgmts as i'm more concerned on holiday.

There is so much to look forward to before we start our holiday. Before d holiday started i was thnkg of going to Harbour Town to do some shopping. But today is already Wednesday n i havent went to HB yet. Last Friday i went to DFO (Direct Factory Outlets) nearby d airport as my friends frm Korea n German asked me to bring them there. We went there, but owh my!!! I really felt like breaking my fast dowh. It was too warm as d sun shined so brightly. Sunny day makes me thirsty n i was dying for a sip of water. Luckily i asked Sue to come along. So both of us who were fasting kept reminding one another not 2 break d fast. hahahahahah. cm budak2 kan? Anyway, i didnt plan 2 buy anything on dat day but as usual, "can Fathiah not buying anythng when she's been thrown in d middle of a shopping cmplex?" Definetely not. so i bought a piece of dress which i dunno how to name it, socks n a pair of polka dot pump shoes.

I didnt spend much on that day since i'm preparing for the Harbour Town day out. Jan n I were thinking of going on today but we're too tired of yesterday. We went out for d whole day. We went to d city to survey d gadgets(i-Pod) since they were on sale. I really wanted 2 buy d i-Pod Nano which is now on sale but d colour available is only silver. Huaaaaaa~~~that's so intolerable ok. Silver? x cntik laaa. I want d blue@pink colour. I'd already asked whether it's possible for me to change the cover case with other colours but the salesgirl said that is possible for me to do that. But not in this recent moment because that Nano is d latest, so Apple hasnt sell out the case cover yet. Huh...frustrated, we then went to d Southbank 2 catch d latest Stardust. the movie was good n i enjoyed it. Then we headed to the Seafood Restaurant in Southbank to break our fast. I purchased d tempura fish pack n it was really too much for me to eat it all alone, so I left it unfinished. kuikuikui =p

It's 8.12am. The sun has rised and it's a pleasure for me to let my eyes have the amusement of God's creations (the beautiful Brisbane). Still awake after sahur n i think my blog is about to come to its end. Gonna do some house chore, dscussion with my partner regarding our presentation nxt wk n preparing for d meal utk bkk pose (nasi ayam + popia goreng). Yummy.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

iT's A waSTe...

i'm well awared that i've already written my blog yesterday n kept it updated with my current events. Yet i feel it's a waste if i dont elaborate more in every event that i've went through. i know there'll be nobody care bout it. but i do. i do care bout it. so far, my blog is not to b published 2 evrybody. i dont feel like to. but my concern is that my blog is my diary. i feel relieve everytime i finish writing n i feel satisfied everytime i read it back.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<@@@@@@ RIVER FESTIVAL It's a brisbane annual event whereby fireworks are released from bridges and tall buildings. (in d celebration of d Brisbane River). Ok, back 2 my astonishing experience of River Festival. Before I went to that festival, i first went to the pre-Merdeka Celebration at UQ. d celebration was more like a "sukaneka day". we had lotsa traditional Malaysian games like congkak, batu seremban, galah panjang, tuju selipar n colouring contest for d kiddos. i didnt participate in any game as i dont really knw how 2 play those games. i knw how 2 play congkak but i'm not d expert. batu seremban...hurmm...they played d malacca style with 5 stones. i'd no idea bout it when i heard it.hahahahha. so i decided 2 just b d most loyal supporter 2 my friends n team. i was in d Yellow House. we were d first runner up. i think so. ekekekkekeke. met some new friends frm other uni. but it was like a touch n go as usual. hye n bye i mean. got me? huh.. i bet u knw. u hve 2 knw dat sumtimes i'm vry bad in socializing with new acquaintances. i'll knw their names after been introduced, then d moment i walk away, i'll forget their names. for d next encounter, i'll hardly remember their names n d introduction will have to take its place again. hahahhahahha. luckily d third time is usually smooth. phewwww ;p River Fire Fest!!!!!! here i come. hahahah i went there for d first time in my life. the fireworks will b released at 7pm but i went out frm Unilodge with my other friends at 5pm. We were thnkg of going 2 Southbank n sit at the river bank but d way up there was too crowded. some of the bridges were closed. ferries were not in service. so we took a long way to reach the further bridge n settled down at the middle of d bridge. we squeezed ourseleves among d crowd n it was like.. hell cramped. huuuuuuuhhhhhhh. definitely i was harldy move my body n we were waiting there for more than an hour for d fireworks to release. Luckily there were quite a big bunch of us so we did crazy thngs while waiting like cam-whoring ourselves. hahahhaha. i could see dat Korean guys nxt 2 us were like.... "OMG these weird hairdo girl who cover their hair, are they frm kampung or wht havent seen a camera???". hahhahaha. but we didnt care though. we own all those cams so suke ati kitorang la ok?? there was a countdown frm d speaker nxt 2 my ear.. 3..2..1..Phewwwwwwwww~~~!! it was 7pm n suddenly up on d sky there were 4 jetplanes flying over my head n release a fire. d music turned on n fireworks with various colours came out frm the front bridge n frm d tall building in d city. the fireworks were like dancing synchronizing to d music being played n the whole minutes was sooooooooooooooo beautiful. i barely took my eyes out frm every angle of my sight n i kept recording d whole performance with my cam. the fireworks changed their styles n colours accordingly to d music n everybody was moving together i mean.. dancing even though we were in d middle of smoke. it lasted for about 15mins n ended by a speech frm d pilot who was up on d sky, saying that... "that's all for tonight. thank you.********n...who would like to b my bride?" hahhahaha the whole city answered it with "me!!!i would like to!!!". cool wasnt it? i wonder who was d macho pilot who made us melt that night. After tht we headed to Southbank 2 hve our dinner with Akran's kebab n our main topic during d long walk was "Macho Pilot". hahahahahahaa. we were like berebut of getting d pilot even though we're all aware tht we wont meet him n if we meet him pun, surely nobody among us il get him. tp sje je suke2 nk gatal2 ok. hahahahahha =p d whole day was beautiful with 2 festive events... =)

Saturday, September 22, 2007

sorrii Bloggie!!!!

huhuhuhuhu.sorry my dear diary for leaving u too long.i'm sooo busy la laling.busy busy busy. my head is cramped.luckily i'm having a week break.huhuhuhuhuhuhu.k. i'll update u with my current stuffs k.

1. finished my dancing world.had already performed for d merdeka was a success.i did chinese dance n i made a sin for it.haihhhh.regret tp it was my choice mse tu. (*&&**&^%$#@@#%^*%%^**^&%^^&^^)amin......

2. last performance was during d world fest at was a tough decision 2 drag my legs there.i wasnt in d mood of was during d early days of ramadhan n gold coast is hot. it's a hell on could i hve d heart of going.but bcoz of promise, pegila jugakkk.huhlaaa.buhsan.

3. school base experience had place its full stop. i went to Bulimba State School for 3 Wednesdays. it was a vry great experience 2 get 2 knw d school,teachers n stdnts of Bulimba.those kiddos were so adorable as they treated me well.i was about 2 cry on my last day in Bulimba since d children tagged on me of not letting me much i love them n wish that i can go there again.

4. heavy workloads. Assgmt!!!how can u do that 2 me?why is dat u alwys bugging on me to stick on u?i hate u hate u hate u!!!!hahhahahah.luckily i'm done with some of u.i'm taking my rest for a week n make sure u're not gonna hit me up.beg u beg u beg u.puhlizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz~~~!!!! =p

5.having fun with Jungmin(my latest friend frm Korea)....Jungmin is my tutormate in Storytelling class n we've built up a very good rltnshp so far.she alwys drop by at my place n eat tgther.chatting till late evening.sharing facts bout many thngs.we cook out.hahahhahahahah.d meeting of 2 crazy girls alwys invite d eyes frm others.wink2 ;p

6. it's far i'm doing fine with my fasting.but i havent went 2 any tarawih.i'm so fully occupied.luckily 2day i'm in holiday.a week break for mid i'm thnkg of joining d tarawih starting frm 2day,isyaAllah.gonna ask my other friends 2 come along.amin.... =)

Saturday, August 18, 2007

2weeks of happiness and sadness

d whole 2 weeks since my last post has witnessed a scroll chapter of my life event. there're so many thngs that i would like to write. n if i'm goin 2 write evry single thng that had happened along the previous days, it might take me hours n pages to pour d entire story. from d outer space, here are what i've been enduring lately.
1. BBQ.... attended 2 bbq party. d 1st one was organized by MYSA (Malaysian Students Association of QUT), n d 2nd bbq was in my frens' new apartment. after finished filling d empty compartments in everybody melodious stomach, we spent d nite up until 2am watching malay ghost story, "Jangan Pandang Belakang". hey i knw we were lagged far behind regarding dat movie, but at least we did watch ok. n hell, it was not freaking scary pun.klaka yela.heroin amik tepi jln ke ape.nmpk sgt la x reti blakon. tgk trailer kemain lg cmbest.haihhhhh~~!!so far d only malay movies dat i like: Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam 1 + 2, Sepet, Gubra, Spinning Gasing, Gol & Gincu =)

2. Ballet: Alice in Wonderland...
I went to watch a very beautiful ballet of Alice in Wonderland n it was my first time watching real ballet show with my own eyes. however, the sadness part of dat day was: my friends n i were late to the show coz we did our shopping till d late evening n had insufficient time 2 prepare for d show. we were lost in d opera building. we went to d wrong entrance n when we arrived at the right entrance, the door had already closed n we had 2 wait until d transaction hour. so we watched d first few minutes of d show frm the television in front of d entrance.haihhhhhhhhhhhh.i was so dissapointed that time but couldnt blame anyone coz it was our own mistake. Luckily, we managed to sneak inside the theater room after few minutes later n were enjoying d show to d fullest. i can stil remember d fairness movements frm all d characters n how gentle they were on d stage. it was so impressive to see a fairytale story of young children being presented in ballet n how good they were to send d message of d story n to plot d storyline just by using gestures. unfortunately, i can just remember all d pleasant moment of d day with my delicate mind coz we were not allowed to record or take pictures during the show. now, i'm really looking forward if there'll b another good play or ballet to b watched. we hve another play coming soon which is on diz coming wednesday. it's a good news since the price ticket is affordable, yet i hve class for d whole day n i will not b able 2 present myself for d play.sigh~~!!

3. Dance performance for EKKA.
d day dat we've been waiting for had finally hit d date n we were so excited to perform for d big day of Queensland. EKKA is actually a showground like funfair that we always have back in Malaysia. It is an annual event for Queensland whereby there'll b a lot of amusement rides n games such as ferris wheel, merry go round, cyclone, n many other games dat u can play n win lots of soft n hard toys. there're also a lot of exhibition n poromotion of good stuffs. u can get lotsa showbags n goodie bags with variety of stuffs inside with just a very cheap purchasing price.
d dance performance was a success n we received a lot of insipiring compliments frm d audiences. btw, the performance was not only our traditional malay dances, but we worked out the whole performance with other Malaysian stdnts frm other uni as they performed silat n Sumazau dance. we went up d stage as Malaysians to promote our Merdeka Festival which will b held nxt month.

4. Last few days, for 4 days straight i didnt get internet access in my room n it was all bcoz of Unilodge has changed the internet provider from E-Cable to Allegro. during the transaction process, when the crew of Allegro did their work in this building, i was online n it affected my cmputer system. Tracy (Allegro technician) said to me that it's all bcoz of my NIC which i had to reinstall it back. so i asked my friend to do it for me n it worked after that. i can connect to the internet by using d network cable but it was in my friend's room. note that that time my floor wasnt hve internet cnnection coz they were still working on it. then on the 4th day, i still couldnt get through it so i asked d guy in frnt of my room to help me out. yet it still not working. then now i hve already got d connection but it's wi-fi. i'm using wireless connected to my friend's room next door n thnks God that he has router. but why cant i use d cable network n plug it into my room's internet port?Tracy said that it's NIC dat shall be reinstall but i've already reformat my lptop so supposedly the NIC is reinstalled too. or...i'm thinking it wrongly?huaaaa. hve no idea. i admit dat i'm silly. stupid n lumpy when it comes to technology.haihhhhhhh...
but tell u what, i really cant live without internet n d previous days without internet were d most empty moment i have in life. it was so lonely to live alone n hve no korean movies or gol n gincu in youtube 2 chill my day out. u'll encounter swing mood when internet is out n burst into tears when u cant hold it. it's like u've been dumped in a cold planet far from d earth, alone n lose ur touch with the real world. huaaaaaaaaa.............

Monday, August 6, 2007

! lOvE for...forever... no~~it's no more =)

Life has been so wonderful. Thanks 2 d Almighty, i'm glad to be blessed by Him with all d utter contentment in d world. Half of diz Monday has passed by the clock n i've just finished my Science class n lunch. Definitely, i'm writing this on behalf of fullfilling my time of not having a noon nap. i hate sleeping with d presence of d sun. Sitting here looking at my lappy with d view of Brisbane River right in front of me through the clear glass of my window really makes me feel at ease. Tons of workloads are waiting 2 b done yet i'm taking a breathe n picking up d right mood to start my works. hahahha. picking up d right mood to start my works? will i? yea i will after i finish my blogging hour.

Let me update u guys (i knw there's nobody reading my blog since i keep diz url for secret, yet few hearts knw) with what had happened for these past few days. I got my surpirse party which had been combined tgether with Jannah's birthday. Hey, even it was not on my real b-day,still i'm happy for dat coz i knw we were in our respective hometowns when my bday stroke d date. so we didnt celebrated it.yet i did get wishes n prizes on my real bday last january.thnks guys.i love u all.muahhhss.hehhehe. n d 2nd event was d MYSA bbq party. all d malaysian stdnts of QUT gathered tgether in d party n i really enjoyed d bbq as i participated in few games with my team. hahahahahah. n hey!! in one of d games, i had been scolded as d penalty whereby i had 2 say an honest compliment to d person of an opposite sex.aiyokkkkkkkk.seyes malu!!!plus, i couldnt find any handsome guy to b honest, so i just grabbed 1 of my frens.huhuhuhuhuhu.sorilaaaaa.seyesly i was not being honest with dat compliment "*** u'r sooo handsome".wahahahahhahahah. =p

hurmmm..k..being alone in my own room with d greatest view of Brisbane in front of my eyes, without any melody of a song, makes me wonder of what have i been through in d whole journey of my life. LOVE. hahaha. i used 2 b in love. even for only once, but i knw how does it feel when love strike d mind n heart. eyes r captured only if it's just d silhouette of ur loved one, nose can even detect it without any smell surrounding d air n mouth will automatically draw d sweetest smile u've ever had.

i'm alwys wonder, how can some people have been committing themselves in several love chapters? dont they feel awkward saying it (I LOVE YOU) again to a different person? in my case, i alwys believe in one true love. i knw dat i'm being stupid by holding this ideology. some may says that i'm just trying to be decent n innocent, but sincerely, that is my personal thought which i believe... "love can only come once, and it will only b him from d start until d end"...BUT hey!! dun tke my words wrongly k. it doesnt mean dat i still longing for my ex. he is now d other story.

i know that i'd failed in my first chapter of the love life. i knw dat i cant turn bck time and mke it a success. my love story is not the issue here. it was an issue, but it is not an issue. i am now happy by being single. but hurmm... for this time being, i can feel that i dun really believe in love. i knw there're many says which acknowledge love as d most beautiful element in life which worth u everythng. in my case, i can only value d love frm my family n frens, but not frm a guy which i can bring him up as my life partner. narrowing it down to d scope of love frm a life partner, i can say that so far.. i dun open up my heart to anybody yet. i prefer to stay as what i am today. i prefer it to be this way. it's hard for a girl named Fathiah to fall in love. Reflecting d previous chapter, it took me quite a long while before i fell. It's not easy to love sumone ok. I'll think again of the sentence "I LOVE YOU" when i find sumone who is right for me. When? Maybe in few years time. With whom? Only time will tell. What about my ideology? sigh..maybe i need another principle to be applied in my life.heheh. Pen off...byebye.. =)

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

the IGNORANT me ;=

the clock is ticking n d time is running. my eyes are falling n my head is swirling. shoot~~ i feel dizzy. i'm tired n damn sleepy. i started my 1st of August 2007 with a vry long yawn in d morning as i had 2 wake up early n attended my TESOL class with Erika Happle. i dragged my empty head 2 d class as i didnt do my readings. goshhhhhh~~!!it was bcoz of last nite. ida, sue, jan n i spent almost 5hrs in sue's room. we were singing like crazy, searching for d low note songs n juggled for the lyrics, copied n pasted them in word with bigger fonts n dragged our butts to d frnt of the lptop.we sang like...hahhahahaha. knw it urselves. sue was planning 2 upload d record in youtube but luckily we didnt. elloooo. if we did dat then we were just making fun of ourselves. but yea..mb in one fine day, when we hve a vry appealing video 2 b shared then we'll publish it.ahahahahahahahah.ok.bck to my 1st August of 2007. da day which witnessed my ignorance of being an empty vessel. hohoohohoho. so today i went 2 d campus dressed in kurung since i'll b seeing rafidah aziz diz afternoon. i only had 1 sandal n 1 heels to b paired with d kurung since my shoes are mostly sport shoes. (note that all my heels n sandals are left in msia n here in brisbane i walk more so sneakers are more appropriate). i didnt want 2 hurt my legs by wearing high heels for half of d day, so i sacrificed my style n became a "makcik kampung" wearing bju kurung n flat i wished dat i had a gold pump 2 b paired with my peach kurung =p

as Erika(my lecturer) asked questions regarding the reading that we were supposed 2 read, ida, sue n i were totally blank. the 3 of us were definitely half dead n we were struggling to scan d book as fast as we can. hahahahahha. it was funny though since we acted like we did read d book. we just picked d sentences which were seen by our glances n just threw d words out as the silly answers. but we managed 2 give some splendid answers. pandai kn kami menggoreng? hahahhahahahah. we are d sifus of menggoreng. tesl stdnts lolllll. n attending classes without being prepared is alwys MY style. but hey no!!! xnak buat lg dah. serik serik serik!! i dun wanna b a fool. if Erika find it out then she must b dissapointed in me. ekekekekkekeke =p

during the 20mins break dat Erika gave us, ida,sue,jan n i went to "Beadles" (one of the cafes in QUT,queensland uni of tech campus of kelvin groove). since we were lack of time, so we ordered only one big bowl of fries n shared it tgether. then we went bck 2 d class which had already started (we were the late comers as usual) n continued the other hour with d same behaviour as before. excellent!! good job!! we successfully finished the 3hrs session with Erika n ready to skip our ICT clas just 2 hve free lunch in Seble x bese je, it's not compulsory 2 attend the class.the slides have already been uploaded in the electronic blackboard of uni website so just read it urself.

we went 2 d Queen Street to wait for Hilmi (ida's bf) to come n pick us up 2 d hotel as we didnt knw where's d Seble Hotel actually is. to mke it short, bfore we entered d ball room of d hotel, our friend azizi told us dat "just go to any table n hve a seat". sue, jan n i was like "what?". but what to do, we had to. ida was fine bcoz she had Hilmi with her. So sue, jan n i went 2 look for d seats n we landed ourselves among these four corporate gentlemen (hahahahha. 3 old white men n 1 old chinese guy). i asked them whether the seats are occupied n can we join them? (waaaa~~i was so malu ok). Luckily they were kind n pleased to hve us joining them. The conversation started with the one of the white men (the manager of MAS management or sth) asked me whether i'm a student or what. the conversation went smooth n everythng was great. Suddenly the waiter came and placed a plate of steak in front of me but hey!! why mine was meat n sue's n jan's were fish? i look around and i saw a lady in hijab was eating the same meat as mine so i thought mb the steak's halal n i took my fork + knife to start filling my empty stomach. suddenly, the chinese guy asked me n PLEASE notice that he spoke in bahasa melayu "halal ke daging tu?" i was like...blur. i'd no idea. then i started 2 hesitate as he asked me that question. then i asked the waiter 2 change my meet to the white cheesy fish. hahahhaha. who knows that the chinese guy was frm malaysia. at the same time jan was whispering at my ear saying dat "jan tkejut giler die tau ckp malay. dah la td kite ade gak ckp malay.musti die phm.waaaaa~~!!). hahahahah. i didnt really mind bcoz we didnt say anythng bad in malay. we were just voicing our embarrassment. so i thnk it was ok after all..

we had some ice cream as the dessert n went to d seminar room to meet rafidah. the whole session was great but ida, sue, jan n i was kinda stunt to hear it bcoz it was all about the recent issues of world's environment. for the Q&A session i imagined it to b a session for us to ask about our allowance or discussing our problems of staying oversea. but it turned out 2 b the other way round as the questions were for instance, "datuk, what do u thnk of the green energy sources?", "datuk, what about the *** (one of the msian organizations for education finance), "datuk, how can the young entrepreneurs involve in d world market n where can they b registered?"...wowwwww. those are some of the questions being thrown n i had been so ignorant having no idea at all of what's going on. perhaps, if i attended the earlier session with datuk mb i knw what are the issues that they were discussing. since we had class n arrived during the lunch hour, so we were lagged bhind without any info. uhuk2. i hate being in a place where i cant understand anythng.

after d speech we had out tea time n straight away after that, we went to MYER (the shopping cmplex few blocks behind my Unilodge). ida bought some makeups n i was trying the shades aka sunglasses. i wanted to buy them but i didnt knw how much did i hve in my streamline. i didnt bring a cash so i had to slice my card if i wanna buy sth. since i didnt knw my balance in streamline, so i walked away n decided to grab the shades later. then we did our window shpping in myer. ida n sue stopped at the cake shop 2 survey the cake's price for jan n i. while waiting for them, i went to this cute teddy shop n i wanted 2 buy a teddy bear. hey!!i dun hve any teddy for the 6mths stay in brisbane. pity me kan? i wanted it n i really wanted it. so ida bring me 2 the atm machine 2 check my balance n it was enough to buy the teddy. hahhahahahah. sukernye!! how much i miss all my soft bed frens in msia.. =,(

d whole day was tiring n now i'm squeezing my brain thinking of any children's story dat i like most when i was a kid. i have 2 tell the story tomorrow in the storytelling class. waaaa~~ n i thnk i'll tell d story of ghost milk. i like d story soooo much when i was young. hahahahaha. k. gtg. byessssss

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

LoVe me Not...

i've just finished watching another korean movie in crunchyroll. n i found that after all, this is the best korean movie i've ever watched. i'd once eyed the acting of Moon Geon-Yeung in "my little bride" n i found dat the movie is so interesting 2 b's hilarious though.n she's sooooo cute.but the reason why i watched her later movie (love me not) was to see d other version of her acting in a gloomy, i wanted 2 create a balance btween watching a comedy n a sad love story.i cant alwys thnk of happiness n leave d other element of life which is sadness, am i?if that's so than my life is definitely incomplete.

ok.back to "love me not".bfore i watch any movie i seldom go 2 find the synopsis of the movie as i prefer to find out the whole journey of the story in my own way.therefore, i had no idea at all of what's d story dat i had been waiting for to finish buffer is all about. at first, i thought that the story is a crime story of godfather or what, as Julian(the hero) came out frm d jail n being waited by his follower.yet, as the story stepped forward, i got d gist of idea that the story is sth to do with the life of Julian as the playboy.he used 2 b d greatest crackerjack of women's heart ever as he gained income from rich women by sleeping with them n got the luxurious payment (he's a gigolo or what??). yet after he'd been throwned into a cell n his popularity as the most well-known host in the firts class club in Seoul had fallen into d bottom part of the earth, his life turned up to b messed up.he got 2 pay a debt of 2.87million(if i'm x mistaken) in one month or else he'll b killed.there's no other way for him 2 get that whole sum of money in one month, which made he came out with the idea of personating himself as his dead best friend who is a blood brother to an heiress of a rich family.

d heroin(Min) had no feeling and admitted that she doesnt need love n it was d same as Julian.both of them had no love in heart.however, slowly they both fall in love n it was love btween a bro n sis.but we can see that Julian started 2 love dat girl earnestly n Min wished 2 hve Julian not as her bro, but as other guy who she can truly like. this movie is not only gud in it's plot n storyline, but also in it's cinematography. the settings of the mvie had been well chosen n the camera technique is high in quality. to me, when i judge a movie it's not only about the storyline, but also about the other aspects which bring up d mvie as a victory of excellent job.

d melancholic ending of diz movie is predicted as there were few ironies being framed. to me, d starting of d movie which started with a funeral ceremony in a snowy field n Min claimed dat evrybody in this world see her with a cold look really implies dat she's tired of living n wish 2 end it as fast as she can.(which mkes her a cold hearted person,cold as d snow does) d end, Julian died bcoz of his debt which he could hve paid (i dont get d idea why didnt he pay it off?but in marketing thnkg,if he paid d debt, then d mvie wont b a sad love story anymore as they might end up happily with Min's success surgey.hahahha.) d ending is sad but it's sweet though as Min can at last see d world as she got her eye sight back.poorly, she killed herself as she desperately wanted 2 see Julian (Julian wrote in his letter that he'll wait for Min until she come 2 where he is). Lastly, in her dream (or should i say that d dream after her death) Min dressed in red n walk happily in snowy forest, heading towards the big tree in the heart of empty snowy field, looking for Julian who had been waiting for her. i can still rmember d dialouge said by Min to Julian "dont lie to me coz i can tell just by listening to ur voice".ahaks.can i apply diz dialouge when i'l b on phne with...?ekekkekekeke.(bf pn xde so jgn nk mimpi).silly me.k.gtg.i hve 2 finish cooking, attend my dance practice n b rite bck 2 start my readings.i hve class 2mrw..6hours straight.damn it~~~ =p

Friday, July 27, 2007

miSsinG mY mEmoRy bLue bOx...

i miss my stuffs bck in malaysia. all my personal stuffs. but what i really long for is my secret memory blue box. i bought that box just for only rm12 n i really adore it even until now.i like d colours, painted wit blue as d layout n drawn with rainbow n cloulds together with stars.

the box really resembles the meaning that i want it 2 b associated wit as it is filled wit all my memories. n zoom in at the word "dreams". symbolic rite?hehhehehe. n d funky striking colours of the box symbolizes wat i really want 2 achieve in life which is happiness. i thrown evrythng dat i like in dat box n kept it safely with me, yet...i left it wit sumone bck in msia..i wanna take it back.i really want it bck as remembering it now just giving me pain.

i bought a quilt cover which is d same colurs wit d box so dat i can imagine myself sleeping in it. yet the quilt cover is slightly dfferent in design as it's being painted by having heart (love) shapes on it with leaves.n ahha~~there r butterflies on it too. i knw dat i can buy a new box which is prettier than my old box..n mb with a more advance in its security system like having padlock or pin code, still i dun wanna hve a new one.i want my old box.i really want i n dammit it's with sumone else aite now.i wonder what's happening 2 my lil cute box.what's its condition?hurhhhhhh.i wanna it bck.i'll ask for it.i will....

Thursday, July 26, 2007


26/07/07 22:27
it's been quite a long while since i last posted my blog.yet it was in another page of site dat provided by friendster's not that i lost interest in writing nor i'd no story 2 tell.but it's just that i felt like i lost my words.i'm still feeling it rite now.i found myself as clueless...n my life is empty...

in my brain, i can feel that the flood is mind keeps on calling the memory for over these past few yrs.i'm reflecting the whole journey of my life; since a small lil child named baby, to the young adult named the present me. enduring the long way of 21 yrs n 6 mths of life has really taught me a bundle of lessons. picturing myself in the past few yrs when i was still in high school has really made me smile n laugh. i used 2 b a very blissful youngster who njoyed evry single moment of her life with family and frens. she cherished all the respect, love, and companion frm all the bodies around her. she'd never bother about the feeling called love between girls n boys.she used to has a crush, threating the feeling of liking someone n be liked by someone, yet she let the feeling drifted away as she found that it was not the time yet.she used 2 consume the hearts of few guys who said d word love 2 her as she thought that love is not sth 2 play with.sth which u cant treasure in the early stage of life. n she was then leading her life alone with only her family n frens. but it was the greatest time in her life since she'd nver wasted her tears just for a tiny silly thng. as she alwys chose 2 b single.

her life started 2 change when she was blessed with a love frm her loved one. at that moment she really thought that it was her real love. the true love that she's been longing for. n she accepted that one 2 b the king of her heart. d couple early moment had been the most happiest time in her life since she got all the attention n warmths that she'd nver received. yet evrythng started 2 misleading...(sorry i cant tell u more on this part)..what i can cmment on it is that..i was not myself on that time as all the joy in me had been pushed away frm me..n no matter how hard i tried 2 juggle them bck in me, i failed...

now i'm totally holding d title single n i'm in d process of buildng d real me. i wanna my frens 2 hve me bck as d old me who was fun 2 b with, who cared for all her friends, who knew what's d best approach 2 b used in calming other's misery air, n who had the simplest thought in dealing wit anythng.i dun wanna b empty no more..i wanna b filled wit value..

d empty me..colourless n dull.i wanna jump onto d rainbow n paint myself colourful.grant my Lord.. =)